ONE Northside “holds our our elected officials accountable” by handing them a microphone!

Uptown Pigeon apologizes, this is real news, not satire

UPTOWN – Sunday May 6, 2018 This image is Alderman Cappleman looking out from the stage at the audience while speaking at ONE Northside’s Community Convention.

Apparently ONE Northside likes real estate corruption and people becoming homeless as much as Alderman Cappleman does, ahem…

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Cappleman corners homeless couple in Starbucks coffee shop to tell them he’s really a nice guy

Couple trying to warm up & find somewhere to shower

UPTOWN – This morning, John and Amanda O’Malley, names changed and images withheld for privacy, couldn’t believe what happened. While at the local Uptown Starbucks, Chicago’s 46th Ward Alderman Cappleman sat at their table and said he wanted to be sure they knew “he’s really a nice guy”, regardless of how activists have distorted his reputation.

Cappleman said to them “The Pigeons, the Salvation Army, Uptown Tent City evictions – all of that kind of stuff, is not my fault, I have an evidence based chart to prove it, I’m really a nice guy.”

Amanda said “Wow, it’s literally freezing outside, we are in a life emergency and this goofy alderman’s concerned with how we feel about him.”

John said “He’s got a powerful job, owns a home, decent clean clothes, a kitchen with a stove and refrigerator, a bathroom with his very own toilet and a shower. We have none of that. The best place we’ve been in all day is this coffee shop. We are trying to warm up and charge our phones; we spend half our days just trying to find somewhere to shower…”

Amanda continued “We asked him if we could shower at his condo, he didn’t answer. He did offer to have pictures taken with us and thought he could use some extra homeless people in his next homelessness video. No pay but we would get free exposure.”

“We said no way, leave us alone, we got too much exposure as it stands now. He didn’t even offer a coffee or a lousy donut. What a flake.”

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Cappleman announces Sidewalk First Housing Plan

Lisa Morrison Butler, Dept of Family and Support Services (DFSS) Commissioner to head Pilot Program

UPTOWN – In a Snapchat video released late this evening, Chicago’s 46th Ward Alderman Cappleman announced the Sidewalk First Housing Plan (SFHP).

In what seemed like slurred speech, Cappleman remarked “It’s innovative and exciting times for those homeless people now.” Holding up a chart, he noted “The 46th Ward has more sidewalks than the other wards in Chicago, it’s a very natural fit (MSTOW).”

The alderman was already thinking ahead and said “If this promotion is successful, we could have another heavily marketed pilot program next year, the Loading Dock First Housing Plan (LDFHP).”

He promised his office would release a full block club meeting schedule and that if we are lucky, Lisa Morrison Butler will give a speech with even more charts at one of the meetings.

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