1st Celebrity Positive Loitering at Wilson/Broadway featuring George Zimmerman and Jason Van Dyke

Cappleman introduces Innovative Positive Loitering Events with Neighborhood Watch & Police Celebrities

UPTOWN – Hailed by Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel and Chicago Police Department 19th District Commander Marc Buslik as truly a game-changing move by 46th Ward Alderman Cappleman, in a press release today, the Alderman’s office announced the 1st Celebrity Positive Loitering event.

It is scheduled for Friday, May 4th with the extended hours of 6pm-9pm.

The Alderman said “I’m really proud of myself this time. After my husband Richard invited the fired Starbucks Manager to join our Neighborhood Crime Watch, I thought, he’s onto something. This could be HUGE!”

The press release said throughout the spring and summer, Celebrity Positive Loitering Events would be held once a month.

Thanks!
Stay tuned for updated news right here, at the Uptown Pigeon.

Be sure to join the Uptown Pigeon Facebook Group

Alderman’s Husband invites fired Starbucks Manager to join 46th Ward Neighborhood Crime Watch

BREAKING: Eye for 911 calls that shouldn’t go to waste

UPTOWN – Reached by phone, Alderman Cappleman’s husband Richard Thale confirmed he has invited the fired Philadelphia Starbucks Manager to join the 46th Ward Neighborhood Crime Watch Group.

The CAPS beat facilitator and chair of the 19th Police District’s Court Advocacy Committee said “This is what the Alderman and I do every day. We advise people to call 911 when they see suspicious looking people. You can’t be too careful.”

Thale continued “This Starbucks Manager did what it takes. Look at those people arrested, they definitely looked suspicious. We could only be so lucky to have the Starbucks down the street be so ready to fight those people the way this hero manager did.”

Thanks!
Stay tuned for updated news right here, at the Uptown Pigeon.

Be sure to join the Uptown Pigeon Facebook Group

Cappleman forms anonymous 46th Ward Crime and Vagrancy Eradication Committee, deputizes members

“Those Shorties and Panhandlers will be trembling in their Air Jordans now” says Alderman Cappleman

UPTOWN – Cappleman announced “We all know that calling 911 or positive loitering on those people doesn’t always work. It’s time to put some real bite in the gap between the Chicago Police Dept and my Neighborhood Watch Group.”

Pressed for details, he said “This is an undercover committee, but the good news is property owners will be able to reach the committee, also anonymously at the newly established Uptown Update Hotline 773-944-0943. Donations to support the committee’s work can be made directly at Citizens for Cappleman

“I will name one name,” Cappleman continued “Mark Zipperer of RE/MAX on Broadway will be the lead Real Estate Industry representative on this committee, like he is on all my committees. It’s important.”

Asked about rumors that his husband Richard Thale would head up the newly formed committee, Cappleman said “I can’t say but I will say Richard is a master of anonymity, he is everywhere. No one hustles a sidewalk like my hubby does. None of my staff works everyblock.com like he does. He’s executive publisher of the Uptown Update, #1 CAPS beat facilitator and chair of the 19th Police District’s Court Advocacy Committee. He’s my number one cheerleader. Without Richard, I’d probably still be just a burned out social worker.”

Thanks!
Stay tuned for updated news right here, at the Uptown Pigeon.

Be sure to join the Uptown Pigeon Facebook Group

BREAKING UPDATE: Uptown Pigeon receives written threat – “I’m going to kill every pigeon I see today”

Secret Facebook Neighborhood Watch Group member Redacted Name continues threats to pigeons

UPTOWN – OMG, poisoning pigeons, pets and children isn’t enough for this dangerous person, he’s now threatening to go on a personal pigeon killing rampage… This guy is clearly unstable.

In another comment on our website, he had the nerve to call pigeons “vermin”.

Redacted Name
That is not a secret hate group. It is a group trying to ensure sanitation and safety standards in Uptown. Any comments about poisoning birds were clearly hyperbolic and satirical. Pigeons are filthy vermin and need to be dealt with by the city more effectively.

Pigeons are not vermin, and BTW has anyone ever seen a hate group that understands or admits it is a hate group? I haven’t. If it is not a hate group, then open the group up to the public, instead of operating in anonymity and secrecy like darkness usually does, let the public decide. And kabosh this dangerous animal hater.

Reminder due to the seriousness of this news, we are urging the public to be careful of these dangerous extremists.

Thanks!
Stay tuned for updated news right here, at the Uptown Pigeon.

Be sure to join the Uptown Pigeon Facebook Group

BREAKING: Secret Facebook Neighborhood Watch Group member threatening mass pigeon murder

Victim of previously reported Great Net Massacre where thousands of pigeons lost their lives

WARNING: Uptown residents and their young children could be harmed by these neighborhood watch group terrorists

UPTOWN – Cappleman’s war on pigeons is growing even more dangerous.

Latest reports are indicating that not only have pigeons been threatened with extermination, but Uptown residents and their young children could be harmed by these neighborhood watch group terrorists. Allegedly, neighborhood watch group member Redacted Name, and possibly others have threatened to poison Uptown Chicago bird seed as this secret hate group communication suggests.

Redacted Name
Hmmm, maybe time to douse the birdseed in antifreeze

Sadly, we must remind you that evidence shows that most mass murderers start out with horrific acts to animals.

Due to the seriousness of this news, we are urging the public to be careful of these dangerous extremists.

Thanks!
Stay tuned for updated news right here, at the Uptown Pigeon.

Be sure to join the Uptown Pigeon Facebook Group