With election fraud indictment on-hold temporarily, 46th Ward Alderman Cappleman resumes jealous rage against local artist

“Nothing can stop Cappleman from focusing on that artist, even subconsciously he’s ready to tile the whole ward” -anonymous 46th Ward resident

UPTOWN – The Uptown Pigeon reported one similar example of Cappleman’s very unhealthy obsession with a local artist 13 months ago in our article “Jealous of Local Artist’s Chicago Mosaics, Alderman Cappleman makes building with whole walls of tiles“.

The anonymous 46th Ward resident quoted above continued “It’s the Wheel of Fortune”. Another couple just love it, saying “Thank-you James, this is so much easier than going to a paint store to get decorating color ideas”. Another man with a tin foil hat said “It’s great to have our own Stargate finally”.

Others question how much was paid for this. Local pigeons were understandably suspicious.

Well there you have it, Wheel of Fortune, paint store, Stargate and very expensive obsession against local artist, is it anything else to you? Let us know.

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Uptown Update Cappleman supporters debate whether the law has been violated enough to win the election

Chicago Reader: Team Cappleman cupcakes given out at polling places

Some felt cupcakes were not enough and there should have been cookies too, others thought money and beer, maybe even vodka would have been better

The well-known official Alderman Cappleman website and Facebook page masquerading as a neighborhood blog, was alive and hopping with confused users after Tuesday’s deadlocked election results, concerned that true equality may cause them to lose their entitlement and hateful ways.

Most were completely stunned and couldn’t believe that votes for challenger Marianne Lalonde, with only a mere fraction of Cappleman’s campaign budget, managed to equal Cappleman votes, with all his ill-gotten campaign donations from the real estate industry.

A frequent user of the Uptown Update Facebook page said “Look, we pay lots of property taxes to support all this corruption, how dare they not give us the alderman we want?”

Many condo owners at the Uptown Update openly expressed their [irrational] fears that a new administration would treat them as horribly as they treated others, and several said they would have to move elsewhere.

One user lamented, “They will make this all about human beings instead of buildings, what shall we do?” Another crowed, “We threw all Marianne’s campaign signs away, and still she has the gall to equal Cappleman votes? I just knew we should have poisoned a few pigeons near the polling places.” One more said “Cappleman told me to pay that city crew $50 each to block her campaign office with machinery and she still got the vote out, what the heck?”

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Senior Citizens Poll: Stop Electing Old Men to Office

46th Ward Senior Citizens say no to old men in office with increasing numbers as wisdom accumulates

Seems crazy to me also, to not elect our brightest and youngest minds…

Group – Elect old men to office?YesNo
Women 55-6521.6%78.4%
Men 55-6523.3%76.7%
Women 66+15.8%84.2.%
Men 66+17.2%82.8%

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Ald. Cappleman of the 46th Ward is looking forward to next month’s Point-In-Time Homeless Miscount

“Miscounting the homeless is one of the most, if not the most important part of housing the homeless” says Cappleman

Alderman Cappleman says he has been practicing with the Chicago Department of Family and Support Services (DFSS), other City departments and private corporations all year to miscount the homeless and is confident 2019 will be their best miscount ever.

Cappleman said “We’ve learned a lot from past years Point-In-Time Homeless Miscounts; I think we have it down to a science now. The best part is designed properly, non-profits and individuals do all the work and are the best defenders of the accuracy of the count. I’m brilliant, right?”

Cappleman continued “There are very few things as special as making actual human beings disappear, without even killing them! Quickly at least… Everyone wins, I look good, the Mayor and the administration look good. We all get great campaign material. Even the non-profits and individuals doing all the work get feel-goods and social media bonuses. Everyone wins.”

Cappleman also said “If you are going to lose an election, go out on a high note. This could be my highest note ever.”

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Ald. Cappleman proud that major homelessness initiatives ordinance has little to no follow-up

66% of voters polled agree follow-up actions for election time announcements are absolutely unnecessary

UPTOWN – 46th Ward Alderman Cappleman announced today in a press release, “Voter polling and election results have shown time and time again, that voters do not want homelessness solved, they just want feel good announcements at election time about them.”

Republican-Democratic Committeeman Sean Tenner concurred, “Our newest poll, out today confirms it, voters just want to believe they and their horribly corrupt and dishonest legislators are good people and care.”

Tenner continued “Just one picture of Jan Schakowsky or J.B. Pritzker smiling is worth thousands of votes, actually housing homeless people means zero to the voters, but they do want us to talk about it a lot.”

Reached by phone for comment, Cappleman expanded “Homeless people are just another planted flower garden or milk shake at Sonic, substance means nothing, style is everything. The people have spoken.”

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19th District Chicago Police Dept issues Community Alert about impostor Alderman Cappleman

Impostor Ald. Cappleman wanted for felony retail theft

UPTOWN – 5 times this month so far, an almost exact look-alike of Alderman Cappleman with his Visa card and City of Chicago Identification card has defrauded 19th District retailers for thousands of dollars.

Police warning: If you see him, do not attempt to engage or capture, he may be dangerous. At the very least, the impostor has been known to be very persuasive that he is the real Alderman Cappleman. Just call the Police.

An anonymous CPD Detective unauthorized to speak, said “Let this be a lesson to your readers, what kind of an idiot posts their ID’s on social media?”

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Alderman Cappleman releases chart showing 46th Ward burdened with 46th Ward Aldermanic Offices

Controversial 46th Ward Aldermanic Office Relocation to Jefferson Park Debate Heats Up

UPTOWN – Immediately following Uptown Pigeon’s publication of BREAKING: Alderman Cappleman relocating 46th Ward Aldermanic Office to Jefferson Park, Ald. Cappleman has released a chart showing the unfair burden the 46th Ward bears in 46th Ward Aldermanic Office locations.

In a press release Cappleman said “Everyone knows me, I’m all about the 46th Ward Alderman, but it’s time for the other wards in the City of Chicago to do their fair share. City-wide discrimination towards 46th Ward Aldermanic Offices has to stop.”

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